What's in a name?
When my ex and I finalized our split, nearly 1.5 years ago, I made the last minute decision to change my name back to my maiden name. I told myself that I would continue to use my married name professionally, but would gradually shift everything back to my maiden name.
I had very mixed feelings about changing it back. On one hand, it seemed to negate the previous 14 years of my life, and everyone in my life now knows me by that name. On the other hand, why I am using the last name of someone to whom I am not married? On the third hand, the one that vibrates, I built a professional reputation on that name and did not want to, as the cool kids say, rebrand. Finally, on the fourth hand, I actually liked my married name better. A little more mainstream, kind of cool sounding. Plus, I finally lost the unfortunate nickname from the maiden name that EVERYONE makes.
There is a fifth hand here that bears worth mentioning: shortly before we got married, my ex legally changed his last name back to his birth name. He had been adopted by his stepfather as a kid. His mother had long since divorced him and my ex no longer had any relationship with him. He didn’t want me to take that name, so we both effectively changed our last names when we got married.
Well, I haven’t done much to change it back, even though it has been my legal name this whole time. I tried the hyphenate thing recently and it seems completely disingenuous. I am at a fish-or-cut-bait moment and I think I am going to cut the line. It is just so awkward, in so many ways, but seeing as my ex is getting remarried later this year, it kind of seems ridiculous to hold onto his name.
Even though I sort of think of it as mine, too. And weirdly, we happened to be on the phone very late a few weeks ago because he got pulled over and needed advice. I heard him say to the cop, “I am on the phone with my attorney, [my name, using his], please give me a few minutes to consult with her.”
So for fifteen years, I have used this surname, but I used another for the previous two decades. I think I have answered my own question here, as writing tends to do, but I can get myopic and the internet, she is never short of opinions.
